Severus Snape and the Infernal Muggle Diary
by loverly8
Summary: Severus Snape recieves a mysterious blank book from his mother. What has she done to it? Rated for minor swearing, eventual SS/HG
1. Mother

Severus Snape was furious. He should have known that his mother would do something like this. If only he hadn't gone.

Last week an obscure relative of his had owled, informing him that his mother had died due to dragonpox. As her only heir he was required to be present at the funeral. Cursing his ill-fated mother he reluctantly went.

At the funeral he received the part of his mother's possessions that were marked out to him in her will. There was a tall cabinet made of a dark coloured wood, a photograph of himself and his mother and a blank book. Severus could only assume that this blank book was what muggles called a diary.

Once he was safely back at Hogwarts – and away from all those cheek-pinching relatives that smiled all too often – he took a closer look at all the items. The cabinet seemed to be normal, with no hidden charms or spells. The photograph... well, Severus hid that. He did not want any students seeing it. Severus was weary of the diary. He knew that his mother had written in one during her younger years, only because _her_ mother charmed it to bite her if she did not.

Had Severus' mother performed the same charm on _this _diary?

The answer: Yes.

AN: I know this is short, but it is (hopefully) the beginning of an interesting story. I'm sorry to all my readers... I know I haven't really been updating much... Sorry!!! Hope you enjoy!


	2. Knocking

Dear Bloody Diary,

Mother has bewitched you to bite me if I do not write in you everyday.

Severus Snape

OUCH! OUCH!

Dear Hazardous Diary,

It would seem that I need to write MORE than one sentence to stop you from biting me. If Mother weren't already dead I'd kill her.

Now, I believe diaries are generally started with some information about yourself. I am Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master. I work at Hogwarts. Everyday I have to deal with incompetent dunderheads, also known as students. I am Head of Slytherin House. I am an ex-Death Eater. There is not much else that I could write down. My days are long and tedious, my nights filled with painful dreams of my past. What is that distasteful knocking? Oh, it's the door. I'd better get it.

Blast that stupid girl, coming down here at this time of night to ask a question about her homework. _But Sir, I just wanted to know how many pages you wanted for the essay on the properties of a unicorn horn! _That silly little brat. All that matters to her is homework. The other teachers all _adore_ her, the insufferable know-it-all. This little chit is Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor. It's a wonder that she didn't get put in Ravenclaw, the house for students with brains. WHAT IS THAT? Oh, it's the door, again. I'm going to hex whoever it is into the next century.

It was Dumbledore. That's the third time that he's come to see me this week. He always asks the same question: _How was she today? _I have no bloody idea why he continually agitates me with this mindless question. I can't even figure out for the life of me who _she_ is. I think Albus has finally gone insane.

I suppose that this is enough of a diary entry.

If it isn't you'll be hearing from me very soon.

Severus Snape

AN: I know, I know, yet again this is a short chapter. I think every chapter will be one journal entry... I dunno tell me your thoughts in your review!


	3. She

AN: Sorry it's been awhile.. I was away on a school trip for 4 days.. and I've been REALLY busy lately..

Dear Calamitous Diary,

Today I had to teach the Gryffindor seventh year Potions students. I had thought that this class might be okay, now that the simple-minded Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley had left their ranks. I did not let those dunderheads into my N.E.W.T.S. class. Potter only got an **E** anyway and Weasley did worse than that. Needless to say the class did not go smoothly. The Gryffindors were not delighted to see that they were taking this class with Slytherins. That feud between the houses has gone on for as long as I can remember. There were only eight students, three Gryffindors and five Slytherins. Unfortunately Hermione Granger was one of these three Gryffindors that I was forced to put up with.

Miss Granger – as usual – asked far too many questions. That girl also gave me two pages more parchment than I asked on that essay on the properties of a unicorn horn. Do you know how much extra time that'll take me to mark?

Bloody hell, an owl has just arrived.

Blast it! It's from Dumbledore. He writes: _How was she today? _One day I am going to get that senile man. I still do not know who _she_ is! I'm going to start marking some essays. I hope this is a long enough journal entry, last night I had some ludicrous dreams about a black diary tearing me to shreds.

Severus Snape


	4. Dumbledore?

AN: Yeah, I know it's been awhile.

Dear Sinister Diary,

Today was, yet again, horrible. Between Dumbledore's senile mentions of "her" and Hermione Granger's incessant hand-raising in class I am getting very annoyed. Though I have made a breakthrough with "her", I was impatient enough to ask Dumbledore who the bloody hell he was talking about. He replied that she was a student and that he was merely asking how she was. This, for some reason does not surprise me.

Dumbledore has always thought that a difference in ages (no matter how large) has little to no importance when it comes to his favourite subject – love. How pathetic he can be. I highly doubt some eleven to seventeen year old girl is going to want to date a man who, like me, is old enough to be their father. It is also unlikely that _I _would find any of these pathetic beings worth my precious time. All they do is sit around giggling most of the time. Occasionally one gets brave enough to make a remark to me, but that bravery is quickly extinguished by two weeks of detentions with the Squib Filch.

I wish I knew which student Dumbledore keeps talking about. Will I have to stoop to asking or begging him to tell me? I think I might, for not knowing who the girl is has begun to drive me insane.

Severus Snape


	5. Hysteria

Dear Putrid Diary,

There's no new news about _her_ today. I did not get the chance to talk to Dumbledore in private and I do not think it wise to grovel at the Headmaster's feet in front of everyone. The students would certainly wonder what was going on.

Another N.E.W.T.S. class took place today. I assigned an essay on Alihotsy Leaves, which cause hysteria in anyone who eats them. I wonder... Has somebody been slipping Miss Granger Alihotsy Leaves? She certainly was in a fit of hysterics when she entered the dungeons for her class. Maybe it's a girl thing.

The days are getting shorter now, and it's getting much colder. I will have to remind the house elves to light all the fires in my quarters. It gets dreadfully cold down there in the winter.

Severus Snape


	6. Love

Dear Abominable Diary,

Late yesterday afternoon I received a letter by owl. It said,

_Professor,_

_I am writing this on behalf of a good friend of mine. For a good many of her years at Hogwarts she has – in my opinion – suffered from a terrible ailment. You see, Professor, she thinks she's in love with you. Hold on! Before you rip this letter to shreds, which I know you are keen to do, please promise that you will not encourage her in any way. If you would be ever so kind as to become even more snarky and generally mean to everybody it would be greatly appreciated. _

_Thank you, _

_A Student_

"BLOODY HELL!" That was the first thing I said after reading this awful letter. Is it a trick? I do not know.

I extremely dislike the fact that I have been insulted in such a manner. To call it a terrible ailment to be in love with me. Who could it have been? It is only signed "_a student_". Well, if this was a student, this means war.

Severus Snape


	7. Potions

Dear Appalling Diary,

Today I began creating a potion that will reveal to me the identity of the student who sent me that dreadful letter. Once I know who they are I will be able to satisfactorily deduct house points from them and give them detentions for the rest of the year. Oh how I love deducting house points. It is one of my few joys in life.

Now I have also been trying to deduce in my mind who this apparently unfortunate girl could be who is in so-called love with me. Merlin's beard, she probably does not even know the meaning of that word. Not the way I do.

All that I have determined is that there must be a link between the girl who "loves" me and the girl that the senile old man keeps talking about. There must be. Why else would Dumbledore inquire about her, if not for the reason that she is in "love" with me? And yes, I will continue to put love in quotations because that cannot be what she feels for me. Infatuation maybe, but not love.

Severus Snape


	8. Veritaserum

Dear Atrocious Diary,

At the rate that I am working, the potion I am creating will be finished in two more days. I can barely wait until I know who is behind this. Who insulted me so? And who is in "love" with me?

In my NEWTS potion class today I had my students brew Veritaserum, as I noticed that my stores are almost completely exhausted of the essential potion. It will be of most importance once I determine who sent me that dreadful letter. However, only one student managed to brew it correctly. You would think that after nearly seven years of potions training these dunderheads would be able to concoct this relatively simplistic potion. Only Granger was able to do it, most likely because she's already memorized the steps from reading her textbook one too many times.

For lack of anything else to write, I will say that it snowed for the first time this year today. As usual it led the students to believe that they had nothing better to do than throw mounds of snow at each other. Most of the time they miss. Rarely do they remember that they have the powers of magic at their fingertips. It's almost as if they regress about five years, to before they even had use of a wand. What incompetent fools.

There is not much else for me to do but wait for this potion to simmer. In two days I will add the last ingredient, the letter itself. Then I will drink of it and, if I brewed it correctly, will instantly know who wrote the letter. There will be little time between when I find out, and when they start losing House Points.

Severus Snape


	9. Giddy!

Dear Damnable Diary,

One more day, one more day. I feel as giddy as some of the dunderheads are about their upcoming Christmas holidays... and it's only October. It is odd, I admit... to have something in my life that I am looking forward to for a change, even if I am only looking forward to this moment so I can exact my revenge. It was hard to be excited about Death Eater meetings when one knew the chance they were going to be _"crucio'd" _would be about 20/80. Twenty being the likelihood of one _not_ writhing in pain in front of your peers. And since Voldemort's regime is over there is nothing in my life. Staff meetings of course, but those are all business and most definitely not fun, except for that one we have at the end of the year where McGonagall always gets drunk and staggers around like a bloody idiot. That woman cannot hold her alcohol. I find that the only thing that is fun for me anymore is taking house points from the Gryffindors, although even that task is losing its appeal.

Ah, well, today was seventh year Potions class again. The lack of skill that these students have acquired is staggering. Seven years of education and they cannot properly identify potion ingredients by scent! Well, all except for Miss Granger, who, as I'm sure you remember, is an unbearable know-it-all. She even identified sopohorous, which I had anticipated to stump her with. Damn chit.

Dumbledore has been out of the country for the past two days. When asked he would not tell me where he was going, except to say "on holiday". Bloody bastard is probably spending his days on a beach in the south of France relaxing while I have to deal with these incompetent students. Plus he left McGonagall in charge again, allowing Potter and his little trio to get away with bloody murder. She's had a soft spot for them for as long as I can remember.

Well, I suppose I should check on my potion. The last 24 hours of its brewing requires constant attention to ensure it doesn't over boil. I will likely be up all night.

Severus Snape


	10. Miss Granger?

Dear Accursed Diary,

I have finally determined who sent me that vile letter stating that a student was in "love" with me. It was Ginny Weasley. As soon as I discovered that I realized that there is no need for Veritaserum to obtain the answer of who is in "love" with me. Everyone knows that the Weasley girl only has one "good friend"... Hermione Granger. That bloody chit. How dare she insult me in such a manner as this?

I have half a mind to break into the Gryffindor common room right now and demand an answer for this ridiculousness. However, I have a plan. And it will all be put into place tomorrow in seventh years Potions class. Now all I have to do is wait... again. I used to be such an impulsive man, but with the Dark Lord one learns to hold their wand until the time is right. Now it seems like this virtue will pay off again. I will humiliate Granger in front of the entire class, take away a large amount of Gryffindor house points, and, most importantly, show her that I am not someone to be trifled with.

Until then I am going to open a bottle of Firewhisky, to chase away the nightmares.

Severus Snape


	11. Legilimens

Dear Loathsome Diary,

Things did not go according to plan. I had planned to walk into the Potions classroom and immediately use Legilimency to uncover what Miss Granger was thinking. I had expected it to be some petty schoolgirlish thoughts about me, strung together with ridiculous metaphors. However, as soon as I muttered the word and found myself in her mind, I realized my mistake.

I was sitting beside her, by the seaside in the summer. It was unseasonably warm, and I was wearing what muggles call a bathing suit, as was she. She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arms around her. I was humming to her, a tune I did not recognize. And then it was dark.

Pulling myself out of her thoughts I readjusted to the room, and saw her. Her face was a mix of horror and pride. For she had managed, without any training, to foil my attempts on her mind. _How the bloody hell did she do that? _

Acting as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, I sat down at my desk and flicked my wand at the blackboard, giving the students their instructions. They all began scurrying after their ingredients except for Miss Granger, who remained stationary at her desk. I motioned for her to come over. Looking nervous, but showing her damned Gryffindor courage, she walked over.

The fact that she thought she loved me didn't matter anymore. I needed to know how she had successfully (albeit a bit too late) performed Occlumency without being taught. It had taken me five years to even be able to block someone out the way she had done, and yet she treated it as if it was nothing, merely a trifle. She said that Potter had showed her the basics and I snarled. He had learned nothing from me, and yet he had managed to teach others?

I scoffed at her and sent her back to her desk. She hesitated and I asked her if there was anything else I could bloody do for her. Simpering like a child, she went on about how she had heard that I was a most accomplished Occlumens, and on and on and on and would I help her to learn properly, and on and on.

Unfortunately my brain's need to get the insufferable girl to shut up was greater than my brain's need to avoid contact with her at all costs. We're meeting tomorrow in the Great Hall after dinner. At first she suggested the Potions room, but that is far too secluded. If I must meet with her it will be somewhere out in the open.

Merlin, what the bloody hell did I get myself into?

Severus Snape


	12. Occulmency Lessons

Dear Odious Diary,

Going down to the Great Hall for dinner tonight I did not know what to expect. Unfortunately, I had assumed that after dinner the hall would remain decently occupied. This is what I get for always leaving dinner early. By the time Miss Granger approached me (I brought a Potions tome with me to dinner and refused to peer out of it until she bothered me) only one or two stragglers were left in the Great Hall. Looking up I cursed under my breath.

Stuttering slightly, she asked if we could begin, evidently attempting the same thing that I was – furiously avoiding the topic of what I had seen the last time I entered her mind. I asked her to tell me what (useless) information she had gleaned from Potter about the art. She droned on about clearing her mind for awhile before I snarled at her. I told her that if she truly wanted to master the art, she would need to suppress only the feelings and thoughts that she did not want someone to find. In this way one would be able to conceal themselves, without suspicion. She thought this over and then said, "I would very much so like to practice, sir."

Damning myself for ever agreeing to this arrangement, I said "prepare yourself", and entered her mind. At first it was blank, as if she had managed to suppress all of her feelings - the exact opposite of what I told her would be necessary to master Occlumency- but then she faltered and a thought slipped out.

It was autumn, and she was walking on the grounds of Hogwarts. Suddenly I appeared, and took her hand. We continued to walk until we reached the Forbidden Forest, which we entered. Not far in, we stopped, out of sight of anyone lurking. I dropped her hand and pulled her closer. She smiled up at me before her lips met mine.

Breaking myself out of her mind, I saw her face. Her mouth slightly open, her eyes looking worried. I told her that I did not think that these lessons could continue, and - scowling - stalked back down to the dungeons.

Severus Snape


	13. Dumbledore again?

Dear Repugnant Diary,

Today Dumbledore returned from being "on holiday" as he prefers to refer to it as. His sunburn is beginning to peel. And his beard is in multiple braids. In short, he looks ridiculous. How I wish I could get out of this castle for a - in my opinion - well-deserved break. These ignorant children that I am forced to teach are wearing on me. One of the first year Hufflepuffs nearly blew up the entire castle earlier, dunderhead that he is. Hmmm... Going on holiday could also be a convenient way to avoid Miss Granger and her inappropriate thoughts.

Damn that girl and her adoration. Or rather, damn me and my inability to say no. Dumbledore heard about the incident, of course. There isn't a bloody thing that goes on in this castle that he doesn't hear about one way or another – even when he's on holiday. He actually encouraged me to continue teaching the insufferable girl. I flat out told him that doing so would be unacceptable and that if it was really necessary for her to learn that he could teach her himself.

The old man just chuckled and said, "One day, Severus, you will thank me." Giving me a nod, he then he walked off. Merlin, what am I supposed to make of this? What is the senile man trying to tell me? With Dumbledore, one never knows until the end, when he then says that he knew it all along.

Oh, bloody hell, the post is here, and there's a note from Dumbledore.

_Severus, _

_I think it imperative that you continue to meet with Miss Granger to give her lessons on Occlumency. I've sent a note to her. She'll be at your office tomorrow at 9 o'clock in the morning. (It is a Saturday, you know.)_

_Kindest Regards, _

_Albus_

It would seem that I'm giving Miss Granger lessons again. If there's one thing I've learned from my years at Hogwarts, it is that one does not question Albus Dumbledore.

Severus Snape


	14. Realization

Dear Vile Diary,

Oh bloody hell. Damn Albus, damn that old coot. He's trying to get Miss Granger and I together. She's the student he was talking about so long ago. The one he kept insistently inquiring about day and night. He knew that she fancied me, and he thought to throw us together. I realized it last night as I was falling asleep. How could I possibly have been so dense as to not see the connection between Dumbledore's nosiness and that letter I had received?

MERLIN'S BEARD ALBUS, SHE IS SEVENTEEN! That's nineteen years younger than I. I'm old enough to be her father. Merlin, why can't Dumbledore just keep his meddling nose out of other people's business?

Now Miss Granger is going to show up in an hour for our Occlumency lesson that Dumbledore planned. Bloody hell, what am I going to do? Likely she will be – yet again – unable to completely close off her mind from me and I will be forced to watch another one of her contrived fantasies about her and I together.

Another owl just came from Albus,

_Severus, _

_Judging by the loud crash that I heard from the dungeons this morning, I assume that you have determined the real reason for my wanting you to continue teaching Hermione Granger Occlumency. I understand if you are angry with me, but I want you to try this. Despite your age differences, I believe you will find that you and Miss Granger are indeed quite similar. _

_Give it a try,_

_Albus_

_P.S. Just be yourself._

Damn, I just heard a knock at the door. Here goes nothing.

Severus Snape


	15. Good Work

Dear Wretched Diary,

I don't know how the bloody hell it happened. One second she was outside my door. Then she came in. We talked about books. I gave her an Occlumency lesson in which I saw none of her preposterous schoolgirl fantasies. Then she prattled on about books some more. I opened the door for her to leave. She gave me a prim "Thank you for the lesson, Professor Snape". Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. She was out of the dungeons before I even had time to dock points from Gryffindor. Damn that bloody know-it-all.

Merlin, what has gotten into that girl? She used to follow all the damn rules and now she goes about KISSING ME – a teacher - on the cheek. Is there no end to the torment I must go through at this school? It is bad enough that I am forced to endure the stupidity of the students, but to be kissed – on the cheek – by one. Especially by one whom DUMBLEDORE IS TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH.

I need a firewhisky.

That's better. Now, think Severus think. Did you give her ANY indication that you might – even in the slightest – return her… feelings?

Oh bloody hell. The books. We talked about books. She went on and on about these old Potions texts she'd been meaning to take out from the library but were never there for some reason or another. Then she told me which ones they were and I remember sneering in disgust and suggesting some other tomes, telling her that she could borrow them from me anytime she liked. Damn.

She kissed me because of books? Merlin's beard, will I ever understand women? What the bloody hell is going on? I mean, the entire lesson went fine otherwise. She managed to keep her mind closed to me and I… oh bloody hell I told her "good work" or something to that effect. What is happening to me?

HAGRID'S BUTTCRACK! It can't be. No. Oh bloody hell how could I let this happen? She's SEVENTEEN and far too young for me. Why the devil did Dumbledore have to set up this lesson? Is it really possible? Am I going soft or is it… just… Miss Granger…

All I know is that this has to stop once and for all. From now on I will maintain the utmost amount of decorum. I will make my usual snide remarks, I will sneer at the students, and I will not, for the life of me, look at Miss Granger unless absolutely necessary.

Severus Snape


	16. One Point to Severus

Dear Exasperating Diary,

I must admit I am quite bloody proud of my conduct today. There were lots of sneers and snarls. And if what I did doesn't bloody make her hate me, then I just don't know what will.

In a twist of fortune, I did not have to teach the seventh year students today. Despite having many other irritating classes to teach, only one thing stuck out in my mind. I don't have to bloody see her. This delightful little dream was crushed when I remembered that as a teacher I am required to eat dinner in the Great Hall every night. Why must I be forced to join in the lurid noise and chaos that erupts every time the school sits down to eat a meal? I'd prefer the quiet and solitude of my own rooms. It's merely a bonus that I don't have to worry about running into Granger down there.

I had managed to avoid looking at her all day. I'd taken the path less travelled whenever I moved about the halls, and I'd worn my most menacing face the entire time.

Until dinner.

Sitting up the Head Table, as always, I felt like an animal on display at the zoo. If we are going to eat with the students, Dumbledore should at least allow us to sit in a place where we are not constantly gawked at.

Attempting to eat dinner as quickly as possible without causing indigestion, I was halfway through my meal when I realized that there were eyes on me. My head quickly snapping up to attention, I sought out my onlooker. How had I not guessed? Miss Granger was openly staring at me in front of the whole school.

I had told myself that I was not to look at her to avoid that… odd feeling that kept recurring. However, I also told myself that this opportunity was too good to pass up. Glancing around the Great Hall, I finally settled my eyes upon her. She looked surprised at first, but that quickly disappeared as I proceeded to give her a look of complete and utter loathing.

After that she – remarkable calmly I might add – got up from her seat, gave me a slight nod of the head and stalked out of the Great Hall. Score one for Severus.

Severus Snape


	17. Intellectual Equal?

Dear Abhorrent Diary,

She cornered me. I was down in the library, speaking animatedly with Madam Pince about the lack of adequate Potions books. Then that Miss Granger walked in. I should have known, that little chit has nothing better to do but spend her spare time in the library.

She strode right up to me, her damned Gryffindor courage leading the way as usual. Interrupting me, she proceeded to ask why I had not owled her detailing the time and place of our next Occlumency lesson.

Madam Pince had the graciousness to walk away at this point, seemingly sensing that I was on the verge of spewing out a cesspool of obscenities.

I informed Miss Granger that she would have to serve detention tonight for her lack of patience.

She replied that she was looking forward to it, as she had something important to speak to me about, and then proceeded to peruse the stacks of books.

What the BLOODY HELL could she have to say that I haven't already seen in her ridiculous fantasies? I'm beginning to think that giving that girl detention is the worst possible thing that I could have done. Merlin's pants, I'm supposed to be avoiding her.

Just breathe Severus, breathe.

Damn! If she had the gall to kiss me on the cheek after our last Occlumency lesson, what will the wretched girl do this time? She wouldn't attempt to... Oh bloody hell... She couldn't...

I must not encourage her in any way. For, despite the fact that she is probably the only witch I have met who is my intellectual equal, she is my student, no matter what she thinks of me.

She'll be arriving shortly. Damn!

Severus Snape


	18. Flobberworms and Kisses?

Dear Execrable Diary,

I can honestly tell you that I do not bloody know how it happened. It should not have happened, no, most definitely not. Nothing of the sort should ever happen again, however Miss Granger will certainly try. Oh, who the bloody hell am I kidding? It was my own bloody fault too. Damn Dumbledore and his meddling.

That chit came down to the Potions room for detention precisely at eight o'clock, just as I had told her to. I set her to the task of preparing the ingredients for a potion I was going to make. Dumbledore had requested, though I do not know why, that I brew a draught of Felix Felicis for his use.

Thus I set Miss Granger to the task of chopping, slicing and grinding. I myself had sat down at my desk to begin grading the fifth year's essays on The Properties of Moonstone.

Perhaps it was thirty minutes later when I looked up from my work to see Miss Granger slicing the flobberworms all wrong. She was wasting half of the mucus that was necessary for the thickening of the potion. Seeing this, I immediately rose and strode over to the desk where the girl was working.

Without looking up, she asked, "Is there anything wrong Professor?" Taking the knife, I discarded the flobberworm she had mangled, took another out of the jar, and delicately cut diagonal slits in the sides. Then, squeezing gently, I extracted the mucus.

We both looked up at the same time. "Oh," she whispered, as her eyes met mine.

And here is where I begin to get confused. Because I know bloody well that I should not have kissed her but, all of a sudden that was exactly what I was doing. And, bloody hell, she was kissing me back.

Eventually, however, she broke it off. Giving me a shy little smile that I did not expect from a Gryffindor, she kissed me once more on the cheek before declaring that she had some homework to get to, and that she should really be getting back to Gryffindor tower.

Before she reached the door she turned around and said, "Goodnight Professor." To this I am positive I had no reply, because it was about at the time that I remember realizing exactly what had taken place.

Ever since Dumbledore began to push us together, I told myself that I would never feel anything for that Know-It-All. Evidently I had told myself wrong. For Severus Snape does not just go around kissing witches he does not care about. Well, perhaps he did in his youth, but that was an entirely different matter.

I do not know what to think. Is it possible that I actually care for Miss Granger? Oh Severus, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?

Severus Snape


End file.
